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No Need to Panic: MINI Clubman has the Cure

March 17th, 2008

MINI has discovered the cure for a widespread disease that has struck millions of people.

The ‘Virus Normulus’ virus that plagued Australia, and much of the world, in what many have described as a pandemic, has been defeated by the new MINI Clubman.

Acute sufferers were treated at makeshift triage stations set up at MINI ‘M*A*S*H’ tents in MINI Garages around Australian state capitals.
One relieved victim, speaking on condition of anonymity, told how normality had “taken over his life” leaving him a “social pariah”. He spoke out about government inaction in finding a cure for normality.

“Must it take private enterprise to come up with a solution?” he fumed, tearfully, before being whisked away in the fortuitously extra roomy MINI Clubman complete with go-kart handling.

Meanwhile, a government spokesman conceded that what MINI has achieved is “exactly the sort of public-private partnership our government will consider for the future. From this day forth we pledge to not follow the normal route. We’ll follow MINI.”

In Melbourne, a MINI M*A*S*H tent was set up in Docklands at the water’s edge. Here patients diagnosed with the disease were examined in a temporary and very mobile hospital environment.

Sufferers were issued with a precise dosage of top secret MINI Tonic (bearing a completely coincidental visual similarity to red juice) and then prescribed a course of action that included a ride around a specially formulated route inside a MINI Clubman.

This drive experience ended with the patients being urged to call their nearest MINI Garage in the morning to obtain more of the cure.

Close to 1,000 ‘patients’ presented for treatment at the Docklands venue over the weekend of 8-9 March as well as some urgent cases rushed through on the evening of Thursday 6th March.

Latest reports suggest that the treatment has been 100 percent successful, but patients need to be mindful of maintaining exposure to MINI Clubman for the full effects to be felt.

Meanwhile, in other news, MINI has been congratulated for not only providing an agile and dynamic solution to the Virus Normulus virus, but also creating a unique and entertaining “Experiential Marketing” concept for the launch of the new MINI Clubman.

Unlike placebo style events where cars are parked or anchored to the floor, MINI has been researching Experiential Marketing successfully for some time.

Australia’s leading research expert in this field, Dr Jason Miller, M.D., F.R.J.C.W., who in his spare time is also the Manager of Marketing at MINI, issued the following communiqué from his secret underground lair in the heart of Planet Mulgrave.

“The MINI Clubman is the perfect antidote to mundane motoring. That’s why to get the message across to our audience: MINI lovers, MINI owners and potential MINI buyers, we created the environment in which we could expose them to the cure for the Virus Normulus virus.

“The result has been extremely positive. We created a unique, fun experience for our guests. They experienced the car in a refreshing way and they went away understanding that the new MINI Clubman is still very much a MINI, albeit in a slightly larger guise.

“From this clinical testing we can deduce that the MINI Clubman will be extremely successful in Australia,” Dr Miller said*.

* Dr Miller is not actually a doctor. Do not accept medication from him directly. If symptoms persist, see your MINI Garage.

More information on Virus Normulus is available at www.normaloutbreak.com.au.The sound track for the event is available on the street wherever a MINI Clubman drives by. Treatment for Virus Normulus is not available on Medicare.No schoolgirls were actually lost at Hanging Rock. Despite advertising images to the contrary, MINI Clubman is not delivered on a silver spoon, via injection and cannot be taken orally.

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